I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
