she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
