Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
should my penis look like a turkey
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
