I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
