I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
