I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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