So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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