If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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