sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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