Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
