i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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