my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
