No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
