I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
