Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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