I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
