Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
