just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
