since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
