Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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