so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Also, beer. Big fan.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
