Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I want her autograph on my taint
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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