We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
