I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
