just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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