Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
