you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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