he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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