i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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