I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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