you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
