quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
