are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
