i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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