By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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