At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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