Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
