i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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