I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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