ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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