where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
