I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
