I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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