Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
