So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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