He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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