Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
