Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
