Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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