we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
