He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
