I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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