oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
