I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
