I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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